Deadly Mistakes Parents Make

"What do I do if this computer monitoring software reveals disturbing information about my child?"

The manner in which you handle this difficult situation will have a tremendous impact on the relationship you currently have with your child. It is imperative that you approach the child in a loving and supportive manner regardless of the anger they unleash. If the existing relationship is weak, this presents an opportunity to strengthen it – but only if you are prepared to listen to their side of the story. Keep your cool and let them talk it out without any interruptions. Give them your full attention, nod your head occasionally, and work to understand the real meaning behind their words.

School counselors tell us that acknowledging a child's feelings before addressing the issue is a major key to developing a stronger relationship with your teen or preteen.

"Truth without relationship leads to rejection. Rules without relationship leads to rebellion." (Josh McDowell)

All of the "deadly mistakes," quotes, and statistics that follow come from young people themselves and illustrate how they wish parents would handle the difficult situations.

Mistake #1. Overreacting

"When I try to explain my feelings to my mom, she just can't seem to understand or see it the same... so she gets all upset and snaps back at me and tells me how wrong I am. She doesn't listen to what I'm trying to tell her. I don't even try to talk to her any more."

"We would never show our parents everything that we do online or with our mobile phones and iPods because it would be too shocking and they would just overreact and take away the computer. That doesn't solve anything, really, ... especially if we don't ever talk about the real problems, like lying."

"I wish they wouldn't blow up at me every time when I mess up, so I wouldn't have to lie so much."

Mistake #2. Not letting go of past mistakes

"You know, parents need to be able to say to us, 'Okay, mistakes were made. Now, let's overcome it together.' And we wish they wouldn't throw it up in our faces after that. . ."

Mistake #3. Making comparisons, Using sarcasm

"They're always telling me to be like 'so and so.' We hate that. They would freak out if they knew what those kids were really like."

"I wish they would just accept me for who I am.... I feel like they're always saying that I don't measure up compared to other people."

"I feel like I don't belong anywhere."

"I am sarcastic right back at my parents because they are sarcastic all the time. I wish they knew how much it hurts when they call me names. I hate it. I'd rather hang out with friends or stay on the computer."

Mistake #4. Assuming

"I hate it when they try to tell me what I'm thinking!!! They just assume they know what's in my head, but they don't. When they assume things it makes me madder."

Mistake #5. Not being available

"I'm gone a lot and I stay on the computer all the time because my mom always has something else to do. I wish she would try to make more time for me."

"He's always too busy. He leaves before I wake up and he doesn't come home until seven or eight at night."

"I wish we did more things as a family. I get so bored at home."

"My parents separated and I lived with my mom when we were in England but she really didn't want me. I would stay in my room on the computer for hours and hours. She would come in at night and say, 'It's time to go to bed now.' And that was it."

 

"71% of parents were unaware that their teen is afraid of not responding to a cell phone call, text or IM massage or e-mail for fear of what their partner might do."
"82% of parents whose teens were emailed or texted 30 times per hour were unaware this was happening."
"71% of teens (13-18) "regard boyfriends/girlfriends spreading rumors about them on cellphones and social-networking sites as a serious problem, and 68% say friends sharing private or embarrassing photos or videos is a serious problem."

What We Need to Know About Cell Phone Safety, by Russell Sabella

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