How to Know, With Certainty, What Children Do & View Online

The monitoring standard used by the parent to determine the child's true Internet behavior is the key. How do you follow through when you tell a child that it is necessary to make sure they are making good choices online? Fortunately, there is a simple and inexpensive way to know with certainty what our children are doing online.

But be forewarned: it is imperative that we react in ways that strengthen the relationship with the child and build trust. As you've heard before, "Rules without relationship lead to rebellion."

This approach a) offers a way to be certain that our children are making good choices online, b) gives us a powerful way to fine-tune that behavior, and c) provides the opportunity to have an open and loving discussion about the tough issues our children face in this 21st Century world.

1. Call a family meeting to discuss Internet surfing habits and different uses of mobile technologies, like iPods and phones. Allow your teen or preteen to talk freely about today's "electronic" world, what problems they have encountered, or other issues relevant to your family. This is a time to listen and understand what they are saying. It is also a good time to review family computer use guidelines and to answer any questions. Many parents like to download the popular "Student Toolkit" from i-SAFE's X-Block and use it as a discussion guide. Explain that you will monitor closely their online behavior on the home computer. If your child uses a social networking site, like MySpace, it is suggested that you create your own MySpace account and learn to navigate the site. This will allow you to have credible conversations with your child about the dangers.

2. Gather data on the surfing habits of your children. Install a computer monitoring software program. The goal here is to gather real data on the real issues and dangers in your child's electronic world.

a. Set the software to take screenshots every 3 seconds, to record all keystrokes, Instant Messaging conversations, emails, etc. In other words, it simply sits in the background and gathers precise data on the child's online behavior. You will be able to play back the screenshots like a video, read any email, instant message or password.

b. Armed with real world data, parents can make informed decisions about Internet access in the home. Unless children purchase the computer and pay the monthly Internet access fee, their use of the equipment is a privilege. The position taken by the NC Department of Justice and Attorney General Roy Cooper is that a teen or preteen's "computer use is NOT confidential" and should not be thought of in the same way as a diary or journal. For more information, visit

c. c. "It is a violation of Federal law for any person to knowingly send or attempt to send obscene material to a child under the age of 16 years. The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children takes reports of unsolicited obscene material sent to a child. Please report any incidents to 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678) or www.cybertipline.com." (Source: NC Department of Justice)

3. Check the logs daily and, if you see that your child is in danger, intervene in a supportive and loving manner.

4. Print hard copies of any inappropriate behavior that is captured by the computer monitoring software program. When you feel it is time to meet again, you can use the printouts to address the issues together as a family. Printouts turn the child's abstract electronic world into something concrete and real.

Do not react in anger or outrage. Together, in a loving manner, confront the child and have a calm discussion about the consequences of what they are doing. It is important to be firm without shaming the child.

 

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